He begs, borrows, lies, deceives, and in the end cheats, defrauds, and steals. He
must find money each day to gamble. Sometimes he wins even enormous sums of money
but none is sufficient. He tells himself that he is gambling to win enough
to clear all his debts but even if he succeeded in that he would never pay more
than the most pressing ones. The rest is money for more gambling. Even if he repays
a debt he may well borrow more from the same person a few days later when
his winnings are gone.
He has crisis after crisis, and until they can
do it no longer his family feel compelled to help him out of his financial difficulties.
Actually they do him more harm than good. He will promise never to
gamble again, and even believes that he will not, but he will. He uses blackmail
of a kind. His requests for money are urgent and come without warning. He will
say to his in-laws: "If I don't have £100 before tomorrow I will go to prison."
He is their daughter's or sister's husband. It is no concern of his that they
put themselves in debt to get him out of trouble.
He endures mental
suffering and physical depravation. He suffers terrible remorse for the harm
he does his wife and particularly his children. He is also despised and rejected
and quite alone.
He continues gambling only because it is his only
hope of getting out of trouble and so justifying himself and all he has done.
In time he hates not only gambling but also himself.
Eventually there
is a crisis he cannot deal with. There is no one left from whom he can borrow
and his creditors are pressing hard. He is in a corner. He may commit a crime.
There are many compulsive gamblers in prison. He may attempt suicide. There are
compulsive gamblers in psychiatric wards of hospitals. He may go to Gamblers
Anonymous, where he would have the chance of finding a new life.
The
compulsive gambler has been spoken of consistently, in this article, as a man.
Only a few women have joined Gamblers Anonymous. There may be fewer women who
suffer in this way. Certainly the social stigma attaching to excessive gambling
is far worse in the case of a woman. Perhaps for this reason many hesitate to
come forward.
Compulsive Gambling As It Affects The Family
Wives
and other relatives suffer desperately. Wives are in most cases left short
of money and the necessities of life, but that is only a small part of their
suffering. They live with a Jekyll and Hyde, and do not understand him. As time
goes on they are lost in a mist of uncertainty and this tends to erode their
will to find a way out of it. They cannot plan, and their capacity to trust is
destroyed.
They develop self-loathing as they become prey to bitterness,
contempt and hatred. They despise themselves for what they say and do when
bitter rows develop about money and domestic responsibilities.
The
burden is made all the heavier because shame prevents them from sharing it with
friends. Her family tell her that her husband is no good, and that she should
leave him. In such a home there is no trust. Bewilderment gives way to bitterness
and hatred. The stigma haunts them. Even if they have to ask for help in connection
with material need, or physical or mental illness, they never mention
the gambling, even if it all springs from that. They are likely to be ill-thought
of as sluts or hypochondriacs, - the cause of circumstances of which they complain.
Their health is impaired, sometimes permanently. Parents, when gamblers
are single, are worn down financially and psychologically. Children, as they
grow older, often suffer in their personal development from the inevitable tensions
in the home.
Such people and such families somehow manage to overcome
crisis after crisis. There comes a time, however, when the pain is too great
and can no longer be endured. For both gamblers and their relatives there
is a rock bottom, and they know when they have reached it. Then they look around
for help, and in these days they can find it.
Help Is At Hand
There
are psychiatrists, psychologists, probation officers, social workers,
prison staffs and others who are aware of the problem and are doing what they
can to help. More and more members of the statutory and voluntary caring agencies
are now recommending those with a gambling problem to Gamblers Anonymous
and Gam-Anon.
Incomparably the most successful source of help is Gamblers
Anonymous and its sister organisation Gam-Anon which is for relatives of
compulsive gamblers. These are fellowships rather than organisations and they were
formed in the USA in 1957 and came to London in July 1964. Today there are
over 150 GA groups in England, Ireland Scotland and Wales, many with Gam-Anon groups.
Compulsive
gamblers and their relatives, who all tend to hide
from themselves, come face to face with themselves when at last they attend these
meetings. Other peoples' therapies (personal accounts of their own experiences)
tell them, that however much they felt alone, others have shared their suffering,
and in giving their own therapies enable them to face themselves and their
situation. They recognise that their lives are unmanageable, and that they
have no control over gambling, either their own or their partner's. Yet they recognise
that there is another way of living and thinking and if they give themselves
to it they can find it.
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