Do You Need Counseling?
If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having
an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might
consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other
licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of
techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.
When you talk
to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger
that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management.
Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch
with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is.
With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to
a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances
and the techniques used.
What About Assertiveness Training?
It's
true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than
aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at
people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent
than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That
isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some
useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.
Remember, you can't
eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all
your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will
be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and
the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change
the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep
them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.
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